Do you bite your tongue so often on a first date that you expect to see it on the menu? Have you mastered the art of making a wince look exactly like a smile? And when yet another prospective Prince Charming reveals his Inner Frog and still asks to see you again, do you listen in disbelief as the words, “Yes, call me,” come out of your mouth?

What the heck are you thinking?
We all know what you’re thinking. What you have to do now is to start saying it. That doesn’t mean giving yourself full license to be rude or nasty — but some thoughts are best not kept to yourself.

Consider these classic first-date scenarios and your comebacks, all to be delivered with your most charming smile:

1. He announces that he’s not looking for a commitment.
“I’m open to committing to the right man when he comes along — but for the moment, I haven’t even committed to the idea of a second date with you.”

2. He’s can’t distinguish between conversation and ex-wife bashing.
“Gee, I had hoped this would be an opportunity to get to know you, not your ex. Maybe if she and I met for coffee and chatted for a bit I could learn a little more about you.”

3. He’s giving you way too much information about his sexual appetite.
“After spending years studying the Kama Sutra, I find guys who reveal everything immediately to be a huge turnoff because their excessive talk takes all the mystery out of an amazing, out-of-this-world experience.”

4. He makes sarcastic comments about how women only say they want a nice guy.
“I’d love to meet your nicer half when your hostile half is ready to take a break.”

5. He takes his fifth cell phone call, and the conversations are getting longer.
Excuse yourself and go to the women’s room or the bar. Dial his cell from yours. “I was wondering if you might like to get together for a date some time when you’re free.”

Of course, if you run into a more serious flaw on your first date, you may need to come up with a more serious reply. If he’s offended you with some racist, sexist or homophobic comment, tell him so immediately and without reservation. If he gives you the details of his ten-year record of arrests — don’t laugh; I had a first date like that once — make your apologies and then make for the door.

After all, you know what’s on your mind. The sooner he does, too, the sooner you can end the wrong date and start moving toward making the right connection!

Search for local singles and make a first date today!

Randy B. Hecht, Match.com