Ten Compelling, Bottom-Line Questions to Answer before you launch your search for the love of your life
Looking for a partner or love of our life, can be exciting, challenging and extremely frustrating. If you are truly serious, time spent on yourself, answering the following questions, can lower the risk of frustration and raise the chances of success.
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1.Who are you?
Does question excite you, scare you? Most people have never really taken the time to answer this fully. The best way to answer this is your own self-reflection and input from those who know you best. Ask you close friends to help. The importance, of course, is communicating who you are, separate from what you do, to your potential partners.
2.What are your values?
This question may seem quite simple, but do not let it go undiscovered. Values come strongly from our families but are refined/changed based on our life experiences. Know your top 5.
3.What do you want from a relationship?
Many singles are busy people and have established themselves as independent and self-sufficient.
Being clear on what you want allows you to make better decisions. In otherwords, what could be better in your life if you had a partner.
4.What are the barriers you have encountered in the past?
Most singles, with some prompting, can discover and name what obstacles that arose in the past? For example intimacy too fast, lack of time for relationship, lack of trust. Knowing these issues can help you plan ahead and avoid “being blind" to situations.
5.Are you been living in ways that support you desire?
Interestingly, many singles say they want a relationship, yet their actions don't support that. One way is looking at your habits. How many day to day activities bring you in contact with potential partners? What can you do to change your routines? Are you friendly, outgoing when you meet new people?
6.Do you have time allocated for doing this to support the value?
Again, most singles are busy people. What time are you going to allot to support your search, meet and get to know new people? Remember 24 hours/day is all we have single or married!
7.What are your non-negotiables for yourself and for a potential partner?
What are habits, life style, situations that you could not live with? What are things in your life that you are not willing to give up? Most relationships break up in the first year due to the ignoring of this factor.
8.What are your negotiables for yourself and for a potential partner? This is similar question as above but is more about your own life now. What are you willing to give up to make room for a new relationship.
9.What type of relationship will best serve you at this time?
Today, more than any other time in history, we have no real norms. As with negotiables, take the time to think about what you are looking for. Companionship and weekend relationship, marriage, step-parenting or more children.
10.Do you have your dinner/lunch interview ready? This might sound bit corny. However, having met a potential partner, the next step of a more serious conversation is imminent. Being prepared with the knowledge you have gathered from the last 9, as well as communication skills to listen to your “prospect", valuable time can be saved if this dinner conversation is well planned.
This list was created after my own single journey and finding the love of my life as well as coaching many single people to successfully meeting their love of their life! Author's note
Jennifer Wright is an Occupational Therapist and Personal Single's Coach. She has co-created single transitions for many women internationally, to find the love of their life. Reach her at www.wrightdirection.com
Jennifer Wright
