Feasting at the all-you-can-click buffet of Match.com profiles is a blast. But when e-sparks start flying with one special suitor, I’m ready to step out and meet the man on my computer screen.

I prefer to have the first offline date someplace public and cozy. While we share a cup of java, guess what’s running through my mind:

1. Do I look nervous?
Maybe it’s just a coincidence that I locked my keys in the car. I’ll deal with that later. More importantly, is my lipstick okay? I wish I hadn’t worn this thong.

 

2. Didn’t he already use that joke?
Uh-oh. I thought his material was original, not retreads. Please tell me he’s not one of those guys who fires off corny, old jokes like balls in a batting cage when he’s trying to impress a date.

 

3. Perfect.
The only odor I detect on him is the faint hint of shaving cream. That mean I can leave the anti-cologne gas mask in my purse.

 

4. Wasn’t his hair darker in the photo?
Maybe the lighting was different. But I remember his hairline being lower, too. How old was that photo anyway?

 

5. Wow.
Once he gets warmed up, he’s really good at this. No interrogation — just a comfortable give and take. I like that alert, intelligent look, as if he’s genuinely interested in me. Now this is the fine art of social intercourse.

 

6. What a relief.
He’s as funny in person as he was online. My stomach is starting to hurt from laughing. I hope I can get this coffee down without choking. How does he come up with those one-liners so fast? And why is that other table looking at me? Oh my gosh, I’m snorting!

 

7. Yum!
His mouth has a sensual little upturn at the sides, and check out those hands. They’re as big as plates! Nicely manicured. He takes care of himself.

 

8. What does he think of me?
He seems to be enjoying himself. If it weren’t so cold in here, I’d unzip my jacket. Then again, with what I paid for this outfit, forget the chill. Maybe the look in his eyes will keep me warm.

 

9. Who’s going to pay the tab?
If I offer to split it, he might think I’m not interested. This is no time for feminist dignity. When the waiter hands him the check, I’m keeping my mouth shut. Let’s see if he’s classy or cheap.

 

10. A peck on the cheek goodbye!
What kind of kiss was that? I thought we had some chemistry here. But wait: he’s inviting me out for Saturday night, and wants me to wear something dressy. Oh yeah, bring it on home to mama! Thank you, Match.com!

Search for local singles and make your own date this weekend!