There are many great and
unexplained phenomena in our vast universe. Some of the most vexing
are the Loch Ness Monster, spontaneous human combustion, and how to
get ketchup out of the bottle without sticking a knife in it. But
perhaps the most confounding conundrum is why women go to the
bathroom in groups.
Men don’t do it. Sure they seem to enjoy group activities, but not
where the bathroom’s concerned. It’s only natural that the topic
raises curiosity and debate among men. Theories abound…
“I have this
vision that the girls belong to gangs — one takes the others to
watch her back; safety in numbers, you know. The ladies’ room
periodically erupts into a cat fight of epic proportions as the
girls duke it out for the cutest guy,” says John, 27, a
Houston-based software developer. “And the reason they take so
long in there is because they have to clean up after the fight.”
“I figure
they’re working out a game plan… you know, deciding which girl
will go after what guy,” posits Lee, a 32 year-old finance officer
in Providence. “Sort of like a pride of lions determines which
wildebeest to attack.”
“Or they’re
talking about their dates and comparing notes,” adds Wayne, a 35
year-old MBA candidate. “You know, ‘Did you see the spinach in
his teeth?’ ‘How ugly is that tie?’ or in my case, ‘How
could I not go home with him tonight?’”
“Personally, I
think the bathroom is their clubhouse or something — the female
equivalent of a guy’s rec room,” says Ian, an IT consultant in
Seattle. “They go in there to escape from the guys hitting on
them, probably. Maybe there’s a trap door or something so they can
sneak out. Because several of my mates and I have been chatting up
some birds who then excuse themselves to go to the loo and they
never return.”
“It’s probably
something Wiccan,” offers Manny, 45, a scriptwriter in Hollywood.
“There’s probably a cauldron in there, and they’re casting
spells on the unsuspecting men outside. Or is that the movie I’m
working on?”
“I don’t have
the foggiest idea why they have to go together,” says Maury, 50, a
Charlotte-based photographer. “It used to make me nervous, but
after three-plus decades of dating, I just chalk it up to something
peculiar to women. Maybe it’s like how men can’t go to the
bathroom without taking the newspaper, a book or a magazine.”
Of course, as a woman, I know the reason why. And I could tell you.
But then I’d have to kill you.
Margot
Carmichael Lester, Match.com
